this city's no longer mine, there's sadness written on every corner.

a quick rundown of october's highly uneventful events: too many bills, too many ignored phone calls, one less roommate, one more reason i find it hard to trust people/girls, a hectic work/school schedule, and a halloween spent in front of the television with a new/old friend.

and with november up and running i've acquired a new roommate, an apartment that is more than clean 95.7% of the time, christmas lights on the window, and a plane ticket to san francisco, california on tuesday, november 21st. thanksgiving will be spent at a table full of my dad's relatives and we will more than likely hear a few stories concerning my father and his seven siblings' upbringing.

i've found a type of comfort in actually setting goals for myself to accomplish. the control freak in me has come to life and i'm looking forward to the day i'm packing my things up for a move to new york or some other city that i'll have more opportunities in. i've come to the point in my life where i feel as though i am comparing every social experience to the ones i experienced at age 15 to age 18. times will change and people will begin to see things differently. i'm seeing college as an excuse to get out of georgia. that or the weekly mega millions lotto ticket that will one day, mark these words, win the jackpot.

when you have no one, no one can hurt you.

yeah, i've abandoned this for the most part. moreso my hectic schedule hasn't let me devote as much time as i'd like to this. but now! now, i'm sitting in my quiet living room, among two little reading girls and one boyfriend whose time is being spent washing the son-dog.

the past few weeks have been pretty eventful. with a weekend trip to florida followed days upon days upon days of working, attending school, and finding zero time to do anything social. even though, when i look at it, i'd rather be spending my time staying busy than dialing any of the numbers in my phonebook.

school has been.. school. waking up, listening to professors blither about what they think they know best. and work has been hectic. the possibility of a bonus upon writing a press release has taken up most of my time there. oh, and i had my "90 day review" last week. one outstanding topic of conversation was my 'fashion sense'. and how it was 'different'. now, considering i'm going to school to one day write for a fashion magazine, i can understand if my fashion forward-ness is a little too much for someone to handle. however, when this comment comes from a woman, barely 10 years my senior, that wears items hot off the sales rack at marshalls, i'm a little taken aback. not to mention the fact that i get a compliment pretty much every day from a client telling me that i wear what the models wear in the magazines we stock at the salon. i've ignored it for the most part but it definitely has taken a toll on the joy that i used to have walking in there every day.

i've got pictures to share and plenty to say but i think i've said enough. i'm ready to new york. and if not new york, back to california. i'm so tired of being in this awkward phase in atlanta where i feel like nothing is ever going to happen for me here.. and if i stay here, i'm going to wither away into a career that'll make me want to off myself. so, to new york or l.a. it is. and it should be soon. hopefully, if i get my bearings on straight and handle my money the way i should be and progress in school the way i have been, things should be looking up within a year or two.

and apparently, i can't move into an apartment that isn't next to a fucking fraternity house.

you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness.

it seems that i'm posting at the oddest of times. here i am, wide awake at 9pm and eddie is to my right, passed out in his clothes.. complete with his air max's on. ben next to him.

looked through a lot of old pictures tonight and noticed how much i've changed. physically, i still look the same.. kind of. but jesus, i could remember what was going through at the exact time of each picture it felt like. i'm anxious for fall. i feel like a lot of promise is in the next months to come. minor & major changes. including one major trip to new york.

i want to move to new york in a year, by the way. and i'm going to.

we went to tennesee last weekend. eddie got his hair cut. and ben tried to get his rocks off with another boy boxer named mickee. pictoral events:



white trash.


it seems as though ben has issues with sitting directly on his bottom.


gorilla biscuits on the 20th. absolutely worst idea of my entire life. nothing but an entire room of fuck-up's, cigarette smoke, and the guy from righteous jam's terrible voice..





grillin' on the way to pick ourselves up some chic-fil-a #1's.


there's some entertainment at work.. at times.. [it's a wig]


most times.. it's this.


sitting like the perfect little gentleman he is.


date night. casa grande + butterfly effect.



currently.



it's still early. there's still some trouble to find somewhere.

scattered, covered.

i feel as though i am completely starting over this blog. new camera. finally. sony cybershot. washington mutual should be calling me about possible fraudulent charges considering the amount of money i have spent in the past week and a half. it's inhumane.




school started tuesday. it was only necessary to take a smiling 'back-to-school' photo in the courtyard waiting for my 11 o'clock history class to start. i am finally happy that i am making strides towards being more responsible than ever. i will leave my naive adolesence at the door for now. however, when it decides to return, if it ever shall, i will not completely turn it away.



that face.



the view. all day. every day. tuesday through saturday. it gets old.



for some reason last night, i had the brilliant idea of springing up from my bed and taking eddie and i to waffle house in buckhead. it's going to become tradition. and i spent $1 in the jukebox before i even looked at the selection. worst idea ever. dido, steve miller band, ccr, death cab for cutie, coldplay, and LONESTAR. i picked the first one i planted my finger on with my eyes closed.. and the night continued as follows..





grin & bear.

he'll never return it.

radiohead needs to cover 'unravel' by bjork.



asap.

ghosts will gather what they found.

a lot of magnetic fields lately. typically hot days, rainy nights. both times of the day spent indoors wishing i was further away than anyone could imagine.

lately all i can think about is the apocalypse. the rapture. end of the world bull shit. i'm getting obsessed with death and sickness. plagues. you know, anything morbid and disturbing. goth. oh, and anything &everything involving lewis carroll.

there are so many times i wish i could be as spontaneous as i used to be. but being beaten down by responsibility, it's hard to make anything passionate anymore. and lately, it's all been about money, paying bills, getting to work on time, and making sure ben gets out when i get home.

my digital camera has been.. affected since late april. drunk birthday girl.

when it comes to actually "working", i spend time folding towels, answering clients' phone calls, &tending to the needs of the stylists here at paragon. however, when it comes to the other 90% of my time being managed, materialism comes into play. endless visits to blue bee, e-bay &zappos. any sugar daddies [or momma's] who'd like to swing my way are more than welcome to:



ysl vincennes muse bag.


christian dior glossy oversized sunglasses.


marc by marc jacobs handbag.


dolce &gabbana leopard print dress. like... do i need to say anything?


it's painful to look at anything else, really.